Are you parenting on autopilot?Feb 16, 2021
A client was laughing with me this week after noticing a pattern in her work with me. Here are some quotes from our sessions - see if you notice the pattern:
“I want to keep my son encouraged about reading.”
“How can I get them to chill out?”
“I always try to keep the family happy.”
“Can you help me get her inspired about science and math?”
“I need to work my daughter out of her spiral”
What is the pattern? Deep down, this mom believes it’s her job to get an outcome for her kids. It’s her default thought and when she started with me, it was leading to major default parenting: hover crafting, rescuing, lecturing, power struggles, giving in, and arguments.
Guess what? This thought hasn’t gone away! She usually starts our sessions thinking in her old pattern and finishes up with a new perspective on herself as a mom. In this way, she has made a huge parenting shift. She now holds her kids accountable and lets them own their results; she has completely turned their behavior around. And yet, our sessions begin with her default thought almost every time.
Default thinking is universal, never-ending, and controls us if we’re not careful. This mama can laugh about it because her default is no longer a problem for her. Every week she gets a reset with me to remind herself that going along with her default is optional, and she can decide to do something different (one of about a million reasons why coaching is magic and everyone should have it).
Whatever your default is, I promise it’s owning you, and I promise I can get you out from under it. THIS is the key to total behavior transformation: move away from default thinking so you can STOP default parenting. It starts with a free discovery call so I can get to know your specific challenges, uncover your default and set you on a better course. Help to step out of default mode makes intentional parenting possible.
PS. Just for funsies, I went through my notes and made a list of some of the default thoughts my clients bring up over and over. Can you see yourself in this list?
I shouldn’t care about others’ opinions.
I’ll look like a bad mom.
I should be grateful.
I don’t want to make others uncomfortable.
It’s my fault.
I let my kids down.
I shouldn’t need childcare.
I’m failing them.
I’m too nice.
I have to fix it.
I don't want to be mean.
What if they hate me?
I’m turning them into jerks.
It’s all on me.
I can’t ask for help.
I’m supposed to know how to do this.
I’m not enough.
If you already know you are BEYOND ready to step out of default parenting (like yesterday) do not pass go! Join my group coaching program now. Enrollment is open. Membership is a lifetime. Transformation is unlimited.