How Do You Create Results with Your Child?

parenthood lessons parenting authority parenting help parenting teens Dec 08, 2021

This week, I met with a client whose son has struggled for years with grades, behavior, arguments, fighting with’s been rough. But after working together for a while things are looking up - he is paying attention in class, being respectful, coexisting with his siblings, and generally pleasant to be around. Major win!!! 

I asked her: “How did you create this with your son?”

Her immediate answer was: “Lots of positive tools. I got him a therapist and a tutor, stopped participating in fights, and enforced my boundaries.”

She was right, those are exactly the things she did. But she was also wrong…

What she didn’t say was what happened BEFORE she used those tools. I knew the hard work she had done and wasn’t giving herself credit for. I pointed this out to her:

“I hear you saying the ways you responded to him differently. What I’m not hearing is WHY and HOW you were able to do that? You had been struggling with these problems for years but now is the time when you changed - why?”

She thought a minute and said, “I got over blaming myself and feeling blame for my kids.”

“Now I can assess situations and identify his needs. That assessment wasn’t available to me before - because I felt so much shame that my focus was on “I’m a bad mom - I need to make him better.” Dropping that feeling, now I see him in a different light.

I stopped thinking, “How can I make you stop acting this way so I don’t feel like this?” And instead, I think, “How can I help and support you?”

Yes, YES, a thousand times YEEEEEEESSSSS!!!

She showed up differently for her son because she saw him differently. Everything started there. That’s what gave her clarity on the right actions to take and ease in executing them.

This is the work of coaching. It’s my job to help my clients see themselves and their kids clearly, and drop the veil our toxic stories cast over it all. Once you’re there, solutions seem clear. Parenting tools are easy to use. Relationships become genuine. It’s freaking awesome.

Simple but not easy, right? We rarely make this happen on our own. If you’re ready to get some help - I am ready for you. Set up a free Discovery Call and share your story with me. We’ll create a plan to make things better, and identify exactly what needs to be released so you can do it, easily.

Love, Ann