My Daughter Is Hurting

parent coach parenting parenting help Mar 16, 2023
My Daughter is Hurting - mother trying to comfort young daughter who is sad.

“I’m sad because my daughter is hurting, and I wish I could get her to deal with those feelings.”

This quote is from a client’s message last week, whose daughter had to say goodbye to a beloved animal. Her mom could see that she was bottling up all the loss and anxiety from that farewell, creating a backlash in her mood and behavior. 

It is heartbreaking when kids struggle, especially when we see the way out but they don’t. 

Sometimes I feel an intuitive nudge of a response that may help a client connect with something new. So, while I worried that my words might sound like an empty platitude, I knew I had to share anyway: 

“What if you do for yourself what you wish you could do for her?”

She immediately softened and visibly relaxed, so I elaborated, “Your daughter isn’t the only one hurting and needing to deal with those feelings.” She reconnected to something that is so easy to forget when times are tough: 

We can only be responsible for our own emotions, our own behavior, and our own care.

The out-of-control and panic we feel as parents when kids struggle almost always comes from straying from this truth, and coming back to it is immensely grounding and calming. 

When we keep that truth front and center, we manage our emotions and take care of ourselves better, which makes us better at taking care of our kids, which is what we were originally feeling frantic about NOT being able to do. Life is so full of ironies. 

Imagine feeling calm and trust even while your child spirals or avoids what you know they need. Imagine that calm extending from you into them. Imagine being the best parent possible for them while they flounder because you do for yourself what you wish you could do for them.

Ready to release the panic? 

This is the profound gift we give ourselves and our families when we commit to radical responsibility, and it is exactly what we learn daily in my coaching group. If you are ready to release the panic and shift into calm for yourself, for your child, for your family…it’s time to make that happen, and it starts with a Discovery Call where I will get to know you and your story, share my thoughts and advice, and begin a coaching relationship that will change your family forever.

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