The Reluctant Consequencers Club

parenthood lessons parenting parenting authority parenting help parenting teens parenting toddlers Aug 17, 2022
Reluctant Consequencers Club

"I want to enforce boundaries, but I know my kid will totally melt down. What can I do so they accept it and don't flip out?"

Last week in my coaching group, this was the topic on people’s minds. Everyone wanted to strategize ways to consequence their kids that wouldn’t lead to a freakout. Our conversations veered into “what-ifs” and elaborate contingency plans.

By the end of the call, we decided we should rename our group the “Reluctant Consequencers Club.”

Wanna join? You belong with us if you:

  • make Plan A - Z to avoid backlash (BTW, this never works - πŸ’₯ is inevitable).
  • defer boundaries until you know exactly how to handle all “what-ifs” (waste of ⏳).
  • avoid consequencing until you’re sure your kid will be cool about it (yeah, rightπŸ˜‰).
  • give in, so you don’t have to deal with tantrums (aka kicking the πŸ₯«).

Fearing what happens when you set and enforce boundaries makes everything SO hard. No wonder we need support and accountability to stick to our guns!

Incessant problem solving and contingency planning is like taking a detour out of a traffic jam that actually makes you even later - you don’t achieve anything, but at least you’re moving the whole time! Infinite strategizing doesn’t make things easier or less scary - it’s a detour that achieves nothing. Instead, we can be afraid and do it anyway (aka SIT in the traffic jam of our feelings while we move forward bit by bit).

Next time you find yourself on a contingency planning detour, look yourself in the eye and say: This is a distraction. I'm exploring “what-ifs” so I can avoid feeling crappy. I’m going to deal with how scared I am instead of trying to prevent the thing I’m afraid of. I don’t need stopgaps because I can handle whatever the future holds.

Wanna join our ‘Reluctant Consequencers Club’ and learn how to skip the parenting detours? We’d love to have you! Set up a call with me today, and let’s see if we’re a good fit!