Are You Tommy Boy or Sting?

parenthood lessons parenting parenting authority parenting help parenting plan parenting teens May 03, 2022
Sting or Tommy Boy

A client’s kiddo was close to either quitting or getting kicked off, their soccer team. “I need them to stick with it! Without sports, they might go down the wrong path.” 

Is Control REALLY the Solution to Fear?

Hmmm…after a sec she realized that losing soccer was scary for her - and that she wanted to force her kid to stay with it so that the scary stuff wouldn’t happen. Not the best strategy, right? But I bet you’re doing this with your kid somehow too. 

We all do this because the ego tells us the lie that CONTROL is the solution to our FEAR. That crap is fake news and you gotta be onto yourself whenever it seems true. 

The reality is that it’s normal for parents to feel scared. We love our kids so much that anything bad happening to them is painful, and pain is scary. 

Are You Tommy Boy or Sting?

All the way back in the days of yore (aka the ‘80s), the prophet Sting told us - if you love something, set it free. But who parents like Sting? From where I sit, most of us parent like Tommy Boy. 

Remember Farley?

Remember when Farley goes bonkers on a dinner roll to show how he ruins all his possible sales? He loves that dinner roll until it’s a pile of crumbs. THIS is what we do with our kids and the glimmers of possibility sparkling in them. We don’t want that sparkle to fade! So, we get all control-y and interfere-y until that beautiful potential has turned into a crumbly pile of defiance, hurt feelings, and low confidence.  

We love our kids so much that it scares the crap out of us, and we suffocate everything in a hopeless attempt to ease that fear. 

Don’t be a Tommy Boy!

The trick is nonattachment and that’s my job - to help you call BS when your brain lures you into controlling what you can’t, to help you strip away the fear and parent from what’s behind it: love, trust, and intuition. Ready to make it happen? Set up a free Discovery Call and I’ll show you how.

PS. Remember how that scene ended? He got the waitress to give him chicken wings because he was totally unattached and fearless. “We’ve got a pizza in the car, so who cares if I get the wings?” 

Instead of “You have to play soccer because I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.” it’s “Whatever happens, we’ll figure it out, We have a pizza in the trunk.”