Top-Down or Bottom-Up Parenting
Jan 27, 2026
Are you a Top-Down or Bottom-Up parent?
Top-Down or Bottom-Up Parenting - I have a client whose high schooler is struggling - skipping classes, failing courses, sneaking out, lying, fighting…scary stuff.
Understandably, Mom is focused on turning things around:
- How can I get them to stay in class and fix their missed assignments?
- Maybe they belong in a different school or need a tutor?
- What would keep them from sneaking out? Taking away their phone, maybe?
I've Been There
My followers know that my son went through a similar chapter and, like my client, at first I focused on turning things around. We tightened up discipline, changed schools, drug tested, took away tech…AND we did it the ‘right’ way, meaning staying calm, avoiding power struggles, setting loving boundaries, and enforcing them with compassion. I mean, I am a parent coach for goodness sake, I know how to do this stuff!
Well, guess what? None of it worked, and it isn’t working for my client either.
Why?
It’s a top-down approach that says, “There’s a big picture of what this is supposed to look like, and this is NOT it. I'll put my efforts into fixing the parts of this picture that are off.”
Top-down Parenting
Top-down parenting doesn’t address underlying issues; it only addresses the outside messiness, kind of like trying to fix a chain reaction by focusing only on the last domino to fall.
It is also overwhelming. When you address one ‘off’ part of the picture, another appears, because the things behind the scenes regenerate the outside messiness.
Most of us were a version of these messy teens at some point, and most of us had top-down parents (if you were this kid, how many convos about your grades would you have had to sit through, for how many days in a row?). When we try to repair things this way, we do more damage, push kids away, and actually perpetuate misbehavior.
How about a bottom-up approach?
What are the foundational elements going on with our kids? What if we trust that, as we change that foundation, external messes gradually resolve?
It can feel scary to take focus off the very real issues in that big picture, but you don't have to do it alone - with coaching, you get to have me in your corner. There is nothing wrong with you or your kid; you just need a new approach. When we work together, we’ll get at the root of what’s going on with your child so you can begin repairing at the core - the parent/child relationship.
Let's Get Started
Set up a Discovery Call for yourself, and let’s get the ball rolling. I’ll share all the details, and we’ll create a very clear plan for implementing bottom-up parenting that is unique to your family.
Learn more about group parent coaching here.
Find me on social media:
Facebook, Instagram, or YouTube
Listen to my podcast - Confessions of a Parent Coach (or wherever you listen!)