When Peaceful Parenting Isn't

Apr 06, 2021

Hey there, you hard-working parent!

I was recently scrolling a parenting group emphasizing peace in parenting. These moms have a clear vision and dedication to raising a family of respect and empathy.  They deeply connect with their kids and try to create an environment in which their kids thrive and everyone gets along.  These are my people!

But, here’s a secret - my clients who struggle the most with yelling, anger, and even physicality have come to me from this peaceful group. So it didn’t surprise me that many posts were by parents at their breaking point, with kids who yell, hit and fight.  

These are such peace-loving parents but their lives are in total discord! Why?!?! 

Because that environment where kids thrive and everyone gets along comes from connection + teaching.  This group is on fire when it comes to connection: compassion, empathy, communication...check, check and check! But when there’s no loving action needed to actually teach, peaceful morphs into permissive, and it sucks.

In reading the group posts, most comments suggested being more empathetic and patient, no matter how saintly this poor parent was already being.  It’s no wonder the dominant feeling from both posters and commenters was shame.  Why do you have this problem with your kiddo? The answer is obvious - you’re not peaceful enough yet.  Try harder, dammit. 

Let me be very clear. A peaceful, connected family is absolutely possible (and SO much easier than we think).  

What is NOT possible is for kids to naturally find their way and participate in our high-vibe creation through our demeanor alone.  We need to take action, and this can feel confusing.  What are peaceful actions? Is an action still peaceful if it creates unhappiness for our child? Does this make our unconditional love, now conditional?

When my clients embrace the distinction that love is unconditional; actions and interactions are not, we can find actions that resonate with kiddo and align with mom.

I want to invite you to join a group that will help you find solutions instead of more shame.  Your child isn’t the only one who needs connection + teaching to thrive. You deserve it too! My coaching group is built on a foundation of empathetic connection PLUS responses that teach kids to choose better behaviors.  You’ll learn all this while I love you like crazy, along with other moms just like you.

I can’t wait to welcome you home.  

Love, Ann