When your angel starts lyingMar 01, 2019
It happens to all of us sooner or later...your kid looks you in the eye and calmly, easily, tells you something that is complete and utter crap. And you know it's crap. And you know THEY know it's crap.
It's like a horrible punch in the gut. You're worried about your kid - is your angel really a horrible person in disguise?!?! But, let's be honest, you're also really worried about yourself - are you horrible mother?!?!?! Probably. I mean, you raised a kid who would tell a lie without blinking. You must be horrible. (I bet you run that equation all day for yourself and every variable you plug in always adds up to you being horrible. I know you - takes one to know one, mama ;) BTW, if this rings a bell and you're not already enrolled in the free Raising Great Kids masterclass, you are really missing out). But you are not horrible. You're just a normal person with a normal kid. Bo-ring!
Let's just take a step back for a sec. A little perspective to get your head on straight:
1. Keep in mind that the line between lying and pretend is blurry to kids for a lot longer than we think it should be. Before you worry that your kid is a budding sociopath, consider whether or not they're actually lying for realsies.
2. Remember that almost all kids experiment with lying, just like they experiment with other kinds of misbehavior and boundary-pushing. Their experimentation isn't a problem; the real challenge is how you react to it, not that it's happening in the first place.
As a mom and a coach, I have learned that most people's response to their kid lying is one of 2 things:
"You're lying." or, "That's a lie."
Probably you're reading this and saying to yourself, "Oh I wouldn't say that." Yes, you would. We all do - even if we have another plan. Because sometimes a mom says stuff she knows isn't the most effective when she gets punched in the gut. Accusing your kid of lying (even if you know for sure they are, even if it is laughably obvious) is the quickest way to get yourself into a power struggle or even worse. It can really undermine the integrity of your relationship with your child too. But, the solution is actually really super easy:
speak for yourself + natural consequences
Are you sick of me blabbing about consequences yet? Well, too bad for you, cause it's kind of my jam. Here's an example:
"I don't believe that." I'm happy to do _______ when I feel like I can trust you more."
I'm not going to tell you more about what I mean here. Why? Because I want you to watch all the videos I'm going to be posting in the facebook group this week about lying. See what I did there? Sneaky marketing stuff. I'm so clever.
Speaking of sneaky marketing, I really don't know why you haven't registered for the free masterclass I'm teaching 3 times this month. Here are 3 reasons why you should:
1) You'll figure out what's going on with you and your kids, what you want to change, why you haven't so far, and how to do it. That's a LOT!
2) I coach moms live throughout the class. It's freaking awesome.
3) You're not horrible. You know you're not. But you probably feel like you are. You need help learning how to NOT feel that way. That's what I do.
Also, did I mention it's free?