An Honest Thanksgiving
Nov 25, 2025
An Honest Thanksgiving | The Challenge of Thanksgiving
An Honest Thanksgiving - Thanksgiving is this week, and it can feel like a minefield for many parents. If you're like me, you grew up with a cartoon story of pilgrims and Indians saying a (Christian) grace over the first Thanksgiving, and probably even made a construction paper headband with a feather for yourself at some point. Yikes. Turns out gratitude isn't the only thing Thanksgiving perpetuates a distorted view of.
Teaching Gratitude
As a coach, this time of year brings questions about teaching gratitude (or pain when kids seem ungrateful), an important value and worthy topic, which I'll address in the podcast episode coming out later this week. Stay tuned for that.
But I also get questions about how to talk to kids about the complicated and disturbing truths inherent in so many of the milestones of a U.S. year (MLK Day, Columbus Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, 4th of July; heck, even FLAG DAY has some problematic mistruths woven into it!).
Thanksgiving has a complex and tragic history, and we often overlook the colonization, displacement, and suffering of Indigenous peoples inherent in the truth of this holiday. I know many people who have chosen to opt out of this holiday entirely, and that makes a lot of sense.
At the same time, for many, Thanksgiving marks the beginning of a miraculous season of family time, gratitude, and reflection as the year draws to a close.
Can we hold both of these at once?
I believe we can. In fact, I believe it's the human condition to experience tragedy and miracle simultaneously.
So if you are hoping to bring to light both the tragedy and miracle inherent in Thanksgiving this year, here are a few ideas to bring this home for your family:
- Help kids learn from authentic voices instead of stereotypes. Add age-appropriate books and resources created by Indigenous authors and educators to your home library. For example, the American Indian Library Association offers recommended reading lists, and here is an ALSC article with book recommendations.
- Focus on gratitude practices vs. "the first Thanksgiving." Many Native cultures have deep traditions of giving thanks to the earth, community, and ancestors. Talk about how expressing gratitude is something people have done across many cultures for thousands of years. This reframes Thanksgiving as a universal human practice rather than a single historical event.
- Be honest and make it an ongoing conversation. For younger children, you might say: "The story we hear about Thanksgiving isn't complete—Native people were already here, and what happened after wasn't always kind or fair." For older kids, you can discuss colonization, broken treaties, and contemporary Indigenous issues more directly.
I’m wishing everyone a fabulous Thanksgiving season, filled with truth, humility, gratitude, and genuine connection. I myself am grateful for every opportunity you have given me to be helpful in your parenting journey and share my work with you. Happy Thanksgiving!
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