How Do You Deal
Jun 10, 2025
How Do You Deal? - Great parenting = upleveling how we engage with our kids. Agree?
So, we should probably understand how we tend to engage now. What’s your default mode?
How Do You Deal?
One way of exploring this is (wait for it) the Enneagram! Yep, I’m talkin’ about the ‘gram again, because knowing your Type lets you unpack your default mode and revamp your parenting practically overnight.
There are three main ways people deal with situations and emotions.
I wonder where you see yourself in these…
Internalizing (1, 4, 7) - Directing things at ourselves - I’m the problem
Internalizers aim everything squarely at themselves. Ones feel frustrated with themselves and use self-criticism to ensure they don’t go astray. Fours integrate their sorrowfulness into their sense of a flawed self. Sevens direct their fear of discomfort inwardly, too. The outside world is filled with fun, but inside… There are dragons. So 7’s flee from the inner world and escape into fun distractions.
It's normal for internalizers to perceive experiences as a reflection on themselves before thinking about them in terms of the outer world. And it’s easy to take the stuff going on with their kiddos personally, making it mean something about them. (I’m a bad mom.)
Externalizing (8, 2, 5) - Directing things at others/outside world - My kid is the problem
Externalizers aim stuff outward. Eights freely express their frustration and apply their strength to changing people and situations around them. Twos project their sadness outwardly as empathy, and use helpfulness to address the sadness they feel for others. Fives fear the outside world - it’s a scary place, and preparation, strategy, and knowledge are the keys to dealing with it.
Externalizers generally focus on everything/everyone else. Parenting problems may feel solvable only by changing the situation or others' behavior. (My partner/kid is driving me nuts.)
Repressing (9, 3, 6) - Directing things away from our awareness - There’s no problem
Repression means disconnecting so we don’t experience things. Nines turn a blind eye to frustration to remain easygoing. Threes set negative emotions aside so as not to get waylaid on the path to success. And Sixes avoid fear by contingency planning and sidestepping threats.
Repressing Types are so good at suppressing things, they can be unaware of how they really feel. It could be hard for these parents to address deeper family issues. (It’s fine, it’s fine.)
It’s easy to see how understanding our default coping mode can demystify parenting challenges and kickstart new ways to navigate them.
Ready to decode yourself and change how you engage with your child?
I’m here to help! Whether it’s learning what your Type is, unpacking how to utilize that info, or creating a personalized plan for showing up differently, it all starts with a Discovery Call. Book it today!
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