Mommy went to Bali

May 13, 2019

About a year ago, I started feeling a weird pull that I wanted to go to Bali. It was especially weird because I have never felt a pull to go anywhere. Despite the fact that I am currently living an expat life with my family in southern Spain, the truth is that I don't have wanderlust and never have. I am probably the most homebody expat of all time. 2 years living in Europe, and I have still only seen the southern half of Spain and a tiny bit of Portugal! I know, I know, it's a wasted opportunity, but there you have it. I'm a lame lump. But still, I could be heard at dinner parties and 5-hour long Spanish lunches telling people woo-woo crap like, "I don't know, I just feel like I'm supposed to go to Bali." eye roll. I decided it was something to do with impending 40th birthday, but didn't do a damn thing to make it happen other than talk about it in airy, bougie commentary.


Then my husband and I decided to light our marriage on fire (more about that in a later post) and in a particularly dark moment, decided what we really needed was to get far away from each other. "You keep saying you want to go to Bali, so go! My mom will come and help me with the kids." And there it was. My yuppie 'manifesting' talk blew up in my face and I was headed to Bali alright...definitely NOT the way I had imagined during my pretentious daydreams. I do believe that manifesting works...but kind of the same way the whole monkey paw story worked. Be careful what you wish for!!!


A few weeks later, I found myself in Ubud, feeling rejected, lost, and truly depressed. The whole thing happened so fast I didn't even have time to do my usual uptight researching and internet scouring to make an itinerary. I didn't even have a plan beyond a few days in Ubud and 5 nights in an Ayurvedic meditation retreat (that I literally found by Googling: "Bali, midlife crisis, marriage trouble, help").

I spent a few weeks in Bali. It was my first time traveling alone, my first time in Asia, my first time leaving my kids for so long, and something that (if I'm lucky) will change me forever. I will talk about how my trip impacted me as a wife, mother, coparent, woman, friend, and thinker, in my next few blogposts and I hope it will be a compelling experience for anyone who reads it. But, thanks to Bali, I am now capable of having that hope without caring if it comes true. It's kind of cool that way :)