Newsflash! Kids Hate Chores!Apr 26, 2020
I was recently working with a client on implementing chores for her kids. At our next session, she was really frustrated. "I must be doing this wrong. My kids are complaining and throwing fits about chores!"
Here's the truth - kids hate chores.
Have you noticed that grown-ups also hate chores?
This is normal; it's not a problem.
The only problem is THINKING it's a problem that kids don't want to do things.
The point of any parenting technique is NOT to get kids who are joyfully compliant all the time - because that's not human. No one learns a new habit instantly, and no one jumps for joy when they have to scrub a toilet.
Change happens through struggle, and it's the struggle that makes it stick. The execution looks sloppy before it looks good. We forget before we remember. It's hard before it's easy. And we complain when it's hard. Not only are your kids' complaints NOT a problem, they're actually a sign that you're in the midst of a solution. BUT, we're not totally powerless in the face of nonstop complaining.
Change happens through struggle, and it's the struggle that makes it stick.
When we get upset when our kids act like jerks about stuff like consequences or chores, our reaction guarantees us even bigger jerks next time. If their attitude gets a rise out of us, gets them out of doing unpleasant things, or lowers the odds we'll ask them to do something next time, it's worth it! Why do they complain? Partly because when stuff isn't the way we want, most people complain. But the other reason is because it works for them!
So instead of getting upset, I encourage you to stop caring that they are grumpy about doing stuff they don't like - so you can calmly follow through with enforcement. The sooner you do, the less complaining you'll receive.
Easier said than done, right? If we could just tell ourselves not to be upset, you probably wouldn't be reading this; I bet you already try that every day! This is why I have a job.
The key to making this happen is a combination of having great responses and consequences in your back pocket, and a shifted mindset about yourself and your job as a mom. This is what I co-create with my clients; having outside help changes this stuff from an impossible struggle into something imminently doable. Ready to make your own parenting challenges doable? Hop on a call with me and let's talk through your problems and solutions, and create a plan for you to make it stick.