Sick of being the 'Bad Guy'?Oct 27, 2021
Hello Parenting People!
“My partner is the fun one, leaving me to set and enforce rules, make sure everything stays on track, and do all the work. I’m left being the ‘bad guy’ all the time while everyone else enjoys the love-fest!”
Sound familiar? I hear it from parents all the time, but did you know that this dynamic actually has a name in psychology?
The “Drama Triangle” was first studied in the ’60s and describes a common dynamic in families where people fall into the roles of victim, villain, and hero. I bet you needed about 2 seconds to decide who typically plays each part, right? For me, I am almost always the villain and Mike gets to be the hero. It sucks and I hate it.
But it doesn’t just suck for me. It sucks for Mike and our kids too. The more Mike and I play the villain and hero, the more our kids are stuck as victims. The more our kids allow themselves to be victims, the longer Mike gets to feel like a savior while keeping his relationships at the surface. Gross! No one wants this.
The good news is that it only takes one person’s refusal to play their part to dismantle a Drama Triangle. The bad news is that it ain’t easy to walk away from your role.
“If I’m not the enforcer, no one will do it!”
“If I don’t step in and defend our kid, they’ll get crushed!”
“If others don’t help me or tell me what to do, I’ll be totally lost!”
These are the lies our brains will offer to keep us stuck.
But if you’re ready to question those lies, and help the others in your family question them too, you can change it all, one choice at a time.
That’s where I come in. It’s my job to help you question those lies. It’s my job to help you see where you’re still believing them. And it’s my job to teach you new ways to behave; new roles you can play. If you’re ready to step into a new dynamic with your family, set up a free Discovery Call today, and let’s get started!!!