3 Ways Talk Blocks Your ChildMar 14, 2023
Hello Parenting People!
As a card-carrying jabber jaw, shutting up is the hardest thing I do as a mom. It is also the most important thing I do.
We all have an inner jabberjaw, so when I teach parents to respond to misbehavior with only 1 sentence + 1 action, I break their brains a tiny bit ;)
But switching from verbal to relational and experiential discipline is a game changer.
Our yammering gets in the way of kids making better choices in 3 major ways:
Talking increases dysregulation.
Our kids' misbehavior and their state of mind are connected. Emotional dysregulation almost always either precedes, or follows, bad choices. By the time we respond to their behavior they are already spinning and our words don’t compute. Talking only increases the spiral. Better to wait until you both have come back to earth, and the best way to help a kid come down is to simply be present and leave them alone until they’re calm.
Talking doesn’t teach.
Kids learn through experiences and modeling - from what they observe in others, and from what they actually live through. A relational and experiential approach means enforcing boundaries with loving consequences rather than a bunch of reminders, arguing or explanations.
Talking rewards misbehavior.
Connection with others is our kids' biggest priority, and they feel connection when they receive engagement, intensity, attention and emotion from the people around them, especially their parents. Whether your talk is a plugged-in heart-to-heart or an angry lecture, verbal discipline gives kids a huge reward for their bad choices. We help them so much more by responding with calm, loving actions instead.
It is rare to be able to implement these things without help. That’s my job - to raise your awareness, to give you tools to use instead of talking, and to remove the things that make it hard to use those tools. If you’re ready for that support, set up a free Discovery Call now and let’s talk. We jabberjaws have to stick together!
Find me on social media: