3 Ways Talk is Blocking Your Child

parenthood lessons parenting plan punishment Oct 21, 2021
Talk is Blocking Your Child

Hello Parenting People!

As a card-carrying jabber jaw, shutting up is the hardest thing I do as a mom. It is also the most important thing I do.

I know I’m not alone - all parents struggle with this and when I coach my clients to respond to misbehavior with only 1 sentence + 1 action, I break their brains a tiny bit ;)

But switching from verbal to relational and experiential discipline is a game-changer.

Our constant yammering gets in the way of kids making better choices in 3 major ways:

Talking increases dysregulation.

Misbehavior and the state of a kiddo’s mind are very connected. Mental dysregulation is almost always either the precursor to or result of, bad choices. So, by the time we are responding to a child’s bad decision they are almost certainly dysregulated, meaning their brain is in a reactive, panicked state...and words don’t compute. Talking will only increase the triggered state. Better to wait until you both have come back to earth before discussing anything, and the best way to help a kid come down is to let them know you’re here for them and leave them alone until they’re calm.

Talking doesn’t teach.

Kids learn through experiences and modeling - from what they observe in others, and from what they actually live through. A relational and experiential approach means less talking when things aren’t going well - enforcing boundaries with loving consequences teaches more than a lifetime of reminders, arguing and explanations can.

Talking rewards misbehavior.

The most important thing to a human is a connection with others, and we sense connection when we receive engagement, intensity, attention, and emotion from the people around us. Whether your talk is a plugged-in heart-to-heart or an angry lecture, verbal discipline gives kids a huge reward for their bad choices. We help them so much more by responding with calm, loving actions instead.

It is rare to be able to implement these things without help. That’s my job - to raise your awareness, to give you tools to use instead of talking, and to remove the things that make it hard to use those tools. If you’re ready for that support, set up a free Discovery Call now, and let’s talk. We jabber jaws have to stick together!

Love, Ann