What Does "It's Working" Mean?
Nov 04, 2025
What Does "It's Working" Mean?
I got a message from a mom the other day who told me about a wild drive to school with her daughter, who was melting down that morning. Every time her daughter ramped up her tantrum, mom just pulled the car over and stayed calm. She set boundaries for her kiddo while also being attuned to her. It was magical.
But she told me this story with an air of defeat because, as she put it, “I don’t really think it’s going to work. She’ll probably just run a number like this again tomorrow.”
My question for her was:
You said it won’t “work.” What does “it’s working” mean to you?
Of course, we all hope the stuff that we do as parents changes our kids’ behavior. No one wants to drive a wild beast to school every morning! But here's the cosmic joke of parenting:
The more agendas you have in parenting, the less likely it is to “work”
So what’s your definition of “it's working”? If our kids’ behavior is the definition, we wind up getting sucked back into old dynamics—trying to force it and make our kids improve. We might start parenting in a much better way, but if it doesn't create the results we're looking for, we abandon it or intensify it. Soon, we’re parenting poorly again, with strategies that backfire. So the definition of “this is working” cannot be “the kids do what I want them to do,” or we’re set up to fail.
It's Working
What if we decide that “it's working” means something that has nothing to do with our kids’ behavior? What if it’s about how we're showing up in our relationship with them?
It’s easy to talk in generalities about things like unconditional love, neutrality with kids, staying calm…but what does that actually mean if we’re using this definition that’s solely about our way of being with our children? Well, frankly, it's pretty intense.
Walk That Talk
Once we decide to walk that talk, unconditional love and neutrality start to mean that I'm committed to behaving how I think my kids deserve from me, even when it doesn't change their behavior. And when I’m doing that, my parenting is “working” because my child has the parent they deserve and require.
This mom did an excellent job with her kiddo the other day; it was the gold standard of parenting. But if the only way she can stick with that gold standard is if it “works” by her old definition, there will be times when she falters. On the other hand, if she knows that there's no better kind of parenting out there than this, she can lock in: this is who I am as a parent, no matter what.
This stuff is my jam. This intersection of boots-on-the-ground implementation and philosophy/self-growth. If this is you, you are right in my wheelhouse, and we should be talking, like yesterday. Set up a free Discovery Call and see for yourself.
What are your definitions that can evolve, and what potential would that unlock in your relationships? I can’t wait to find out!
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