What We Need from Our KidsOct 31, 2023
"I need you to..."
As a parent coach, here’s something that bugs me, and you might be doing this without even knowing: It's when parents say, “I need you to…”
…lower your voice,
…clean your room
…listen to me
…say you’re sorry
Talking this way subtly teaches kids that our needs are their job - and we teach OURSELVES the same thing: that when things aren’t going well, others must change in order for us to feel better.
When we say something like, “I need you to lower your voice,” our kids hear, “I can’t handle it when you act the way you do.” Ouch!
Bring me your hot mess!
I’m guessing that’s not the message you’re going for, right? Ideally, we want to show kids that no matter how messed up stuff is, we can take it. We want to say, “Bring me your hot mess. That’s what I’m here for.”
The bottom line, we don’t need ANYTHING from our kids. They need stuff from us, and it’s our job to meet our own needs.
If this feels like nitpicking, I get it. But the truth is that our words matter because all the little moments with our kids are either the building blocks of codependency or healthy attachment. The tenor of our relationship is created one interaction at a time.
Life Ain't Ideal
Maybe you know the tenor you’re going for, but that “ideally” word up there is the sticking point. Life ain’t ideal. Ever. It’s hard to switch to a new way of being, to change patterns that were baked into you through a lifetime of your own interactions. I get it.
That’s where I come in. It’s my job to unpack that stuff, to show you what to do instead, and to teach you HOW to meet your own needs. Imagine being so complete in yourself that it doesn’t even occur to you to say to your child, “I need you to…” because you really don’t need anything from them at all. And imagine that you have an abundance of skills, energy, and love to meet THEIR needs easily and organically in every moment.
It starts with a Discovery Call, where we start by getting to know each other, talking about what is currently going on in your family, designing a roadmap to exactly what you want to create with your child, and possibly beginning a coaching relationship that will change your life forever. The way you’ve approached things so far doesn’t have to be the way you keep going. Set it up today, and let’s go!
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Listen to my podcast - Confessions of a Parent Coach (or wherever you choose to listen!)