When good enough, isn't good enoughApr 13, 2020
When I first met my husband, I noticed that whenever he had a bad day, tried food he didn't care for, or generally didn't like something, he would say it was, "just okay." It didn't take me long to realize it was a tiny expression that meant a lot:
I don't like this.
There's nothing I can do to change it.
I feel guilty complaining about it.
It is definitely NOT okay, but I'm going to just deal with it.
"Just okay," meant anything but okay. Our relationship got a lot easier when I learned to decode those 2 words!
After 4 weeks of quarantine, it seems like maybe we are 'just okay' now. The initial panic and confusion has dissipated (Thank God!). But, do you feel like complacency and discontent have taken their place? We settled into a routine; we figured out how to make it work and we're fine, but not exactly loving life. And chinks in the armor are starting to show - grouchiness over screen time and chores, resistance to school and quiet times, bickering and general cabin fever. We're settling into more than our new routines, we're settling FOR 'just okay'.
It's parenting purgatory! It may seem like a product of quarantine, but parenting purgatory isn't unique to this moment. The cycle of being confronted with a challenge, figuring out how to make-do, and then treading endlessly in unsatisfying waters - it's as common as it is soul-sucking. How do we get out of it? Stop settling for "just okay"!
Whenever I meet new clients for the first time, I ask them to imagine their life exactly how they want it to be, it's often a difficult task. They have usually set up their discovery call because things aren't going great...kids are fighting, life is chaotic, the family is stuck in guilt and anger. They just want things to NOT suck anymore!
In that moment, even "just okay" seems like a long shot.
What that mom might not know yet, is that living in "just okay" drags us down just as surely as fighting and misbehavior does. Conversely, shooting for something better lifts us up- first, because a lot of what we want is totally possible, so going for it creates big change. Secondly, aiming for something great excites and energizes us. It's why people have resolutions, vision boards, and daydreams. It's why boutiques sell framed signs that say things like, "Follow your dreams!" or, "Miracles happen!" and not ones that say, "Settle for less!" or, "I love that half of my day sucks!"
When we feel crushed under a mountain of problems, we focus on those problems and their solutions. It's important, but without more, this focus is how we end up "just ok." We need to know what we're running toward, not just what we're running from. We need to know what to add to our lives, not just what to eliminate. That's why I talk about your fantasy life in our discovery call in addition to time spent understanding your problems and discussing solutions.
If you're living in 'just okay' right now, good for you! You've weathered many storms to get here, and it is no small feat! And, this place offers you the great vantage point of being able to pinpoint exactly what you want to improve without feeling panicked or overwhelmed. But, if good enough doesn't feel good enough to you, I totally get it.
This place is just the beginning. Getting things to be okay means that now there's room for GREAT. You feel this in a deep, maybe unformed, way and you just know there's something more. This is your moment to find out what that is and make it happen. Take some time for a free discovery call and get clear on what is next for you and your family.
We'll identify what still needs improvement, what's holding you back, and what's on the other side of "just okay."