Passive vs Active Parenting
Jan 13, 2026
Passive vs Active Parenting
Passive vs Active Parenting - This week, I spoke with a client whose son constantly jumps into snowbanks along the sidewalk while they walk to school, even though she has a rule against it. I asked what she had done about it so far, and she said,
“I tell him he’s breaking the rules, I tell him to stop it, and I tell him we’re not going to go to the park anymore because of it. I feel like I’m constantly disciplining him about it, but his behavior never changes!” My response?
Unfortunately, that’s not actually disciplining.
The truth is that her son has actually never been disciplined for this behavior, even though mom feels like it’s all she does!
This mom is using passive over active parenting.
Passive Parenting happens when we are in default or autopilot and tends to look like:
- Lots of talking (threatening, warning, lecturing, explaining, bribing, reminding)
- Letting behavior go on too long or ignoring it
- Reacting from a triggered place (yelling, anger, power struggles, punishing).
- Feeling like we’re CONSTANTLY dealing with behavior, while nothing changes.
Biggest sign you’re passively parenting - you are expending a ton of energy but somehow simultaneously not taking action...and nothing is improving.
Active Parenting
Active Parenting comes from intention and investment, and it involves action:
- Taking action (following through on our words, giving consequences, etc)
- Physically moving (walking kids to their room, collecting screens, removing offending objects)
- Responding from neutrality (calm voice, zero drama, empathy)
- Feeling calm and spacious as our child learns through experiences.
It’s about standing up and making moves, both physically and mentally (by changing old habits, thoughts, and emotions).
Reading these emails, getting my free goodies, listening to my podcast...these are all great ways to let parenting inspiration wash over you...And it’s just the beginning. It’s time to step into action for yourself. To commit to learning new skills and to hold yourself accountable to doing whatever it takes to actually use those skills. It’s the difference between letting your parenthood and child’s behavior just happen, or taking the bull by the horns and actually CREATING the life you want with your child.
This is what my work is all about, and it starts with a free Discovery Call where we see how we fit. See you soon!
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